Parents often hear the lament: “Where is the respect?” as children grow more outspoken. But Dax Shepard, actor and host of “Armchair Expert,” argues that certain forms of “disrespect” might actually be valuable preparation for young women navigating a challenging world.
On a November 3 episode, Shepard discussed receiving feedback that his daughters had “no kind of respect.” Rather than dismissing the comment as merely a generational difference, Shepard reframed the concept entirely. He shared an anecdote about dining with his daughters in Nashville, where a friend noted their outspoken nature. Instead of chiding them for speaking up, Shepard saw an opportunity.
“That’s what I want them to do,” Shepard told co-host Monica Padman and actress Reese Witherspoon on the show. “When they’re 19 and their boss is a f* creep, I want them to talk back. I want them to be disrespectful. I want them to always advocate for themselves.”
This perspective challenges traditional notions of childhood respect. Shepard isn’t advocating for rude behavior, but rather for girls who understand their worth and have the confidence to stand up for themselves when necessary. This approach represents a generational shift in parenting philosophy.
The author, who identifies as a mother of two girls, echoes this sentiment. Having grown up in the 1980s when girls were conditioned to be particularly polite, she welcomes this evolution. “Now, I welcome the generational shift: Girls should speak up and do it often,” she writes, noting that neither Shepard nor she endorses reckless rudeness.
Recent research supports this approach to raising empowered girls. A study published in The Review of Economics and Statistics found that adolescent girls making their own decisions demonstrated greater persistence and self-esteem. The National Institutes of Health similarly identified communication, decision-making, and self-advocacy as key predictors of young adult success. These findings suggest that teaching girls to articulate their needs and assert themselves builds resilience and confidence.
Of course, this approach requires parents to rethink what “respectful” behavior truly means. It’s about balancing kindness with authenticity and teaching children to advocate for themselves without compromising their values. The author offers practical advice for parents:
- Reframe “talking back” as an opportunity to understand if a child is asserting their worth or being defiant.
- Teach self-advocacy early by encouraging children to ask for what they want.
- Differentiate between public rudeness that needs correction and thoughtful push-back that deserves consideration.
Shepard’s approach may feel unconventional in an age dominated by curated social media feeds filled with “perfect” children. His stance requires acknowledging potential judgment while prioritizing a child’s long-term empowerment. As the author notes, a parent’s reaction to a child speaking back might reveal more about the parent’s expectations than the child’s development.
The conversation sparked by Shepard’s comments invites parents to reconsider whether their definition of respect aligns with raising confident, capable young women ready to navigate complex social landscapes. The evidence suggests that allowing girls to develop their voices, even when it challenges authority, may be one of the most valuable gifts parents can give them
