Once you have mastered the basics of oral sex, it is easy to fall into a routine. You know what works, your partner is satisfied, and there seems little reason to disrupt the status quo. However, sexual intimacy, like any skill, benefits from occasional refinement. For cunnilingus, experts suggest a simple positional adjustment known as the Kivin method —or the sideways method—that can significantly enhance pleasure and comfort for both partners.
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What Is the Kivin Method?
Despite the name sounding like it refers to a specific person, the “Kivin method” is not named after an individual. The technique gained traction through online sex education communities and was notably mentioned in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex (2001).
The core concept is geometric: instead of facing the receiver head-on, the giver lies perpendicular to their partner’s body. This side-to-side alignment allows the giver to stimulate the clitoris, vulva, and perineum (the area between the genitals and anus) from a different angle. Typically, the receiver raises one or both legs onto the giver’s shoulder to facilitate access.
Why This Position Matters
The primary advantage of the Kivin method is ergonomic. Traditional head-on positions often require the giver to crane their neck at an awkward angle, leading to discomfort or fatigue. By lying sideways, the giver maintains a neutral neck position, allowing for longer, more sustainable sessions without physical strain.
“You’re not going to have a ton of enthusiasm if you’re worried how your neck is going to feel tomorrow,” says Keeley Rankin, a sex and relationship coach.
This physical comfort translates directly into better performance and increased enthusiasm. Furthermore, the sideways orientation frees up the giver’s hands in new ways. It allows for simultaneous stimulation of the breasts, stomach, thighs, and hips, creating a more holistic and connected experience.
Enhanced Stimulation and Intimacy
The change in angle does more than save the giver’s neck; it alters the type of stimulation received. Sadie Allison, a sexologist and author of Ride ’Em Cowgirl!, notes that this position makes it easier to incorporate internal stimulation, such as G-spot or anal play, alongside external clitoral focus.
Because the giver’s body is closer and more accessible to the receiver, the receiver can actively participate by caressing the giver’s shoulders, hair, or nipples. This mutual touch fosters a deeper sense of intimacy and connection, moving the experience beyond a one-sided performance.
How to Try It: Practical Tips
Not every partner will prefer this technique, but for those looking to experiment, experts recommend the following adjustments to ensure comfort and effectiveness:
- Warm Up: Just as you would before a workout, light stretching can help loosen muscles and prevent strain during intimate activities.
- Adjust the Surface: If lying flat on a bed is uncomfortable, try the couch. The receiver can lie back while the giver kneels on their knees, tipping their head to the side. This variation often provides better support and access.
- The Side-Lying Variant: Alternatively, the receiver can lie on their side, bending the top leg slightly to open up. The giver then enters from the side in a “T” shape. This can feel less invasive and more relaxed.
- Use Pillows: Placing a pillow under the receiver’s hips while they lie on their back can tilt the pelvis, providing the giver with an optimal angle and easier access.
Maximizing Pleasure: The “Velvet Glide”
To fully leverage the benefits of the sideways position, Allison recommends a technique she calls “The Velvet Glide.” Instead of focusing solely on the clitoris, the giver creates a soft seal with their lips over the entire vulva and maintains gentle, steady suction.
By gliding side-to-side along the full length of the vulva, the giver stimulates the thousands of nerve endings located in the inner labia. This broader coverage builds anticipation and provides heightened sensations that might be missed in a more focused, head-on approach.
Communication Is Key
Ultimately, sexual pleasure is highly individual. What feels exceptional for one partner may feel mediocre for another. Greg Kilpatrick, a psychotherapist and sex therapist, emphasizes the importance of open dialogue.
“When we slow down and make connections like this, it suddenly can make more sense, and lead to more opportunities for pleasure.”
Discussing what works and what doesn’t helps partners understand each other’s bodies better. Whether experimenting with the Kivin method or any new technique, clear communication ensures that both partners remain comfortable, engaged, and satisfied.
Conclusion
The Kivin method offers a simple yet effective way to break out of sexual routines by improving comfort for the giver and expanding stimulation for the receiver. By prioritizing ergonomics and open communication, couples can discover new dimensions of intimacy and pleasure.
